FAIRFAX, VA (GB) - National Rifle Association head Wayne LaPierre told local police tonight that he shot a man attempting to enter his house through his chimney.
According to police, the incident occurred shortly after midnight, when LaPierre says he heard footsteps and the sounds of hooves on his roof. Police say he used a Bushmaster .223 with a high-capacity ammo clip.
Police sources say the suspected intruder - described as a heavy-set older white male with a large beard, a red and white track suit, and a jolly disposition - is in critical condition at Inova Fairfax Hospital. Nine large animals, described by Virginia Animal Control as caribou-like creatures with large antlers, one with a bright red nose, were also shot by LaPierre. The intruder's vehicle, a red sleigh with "NP" plates, was impounded.
LaPierre told police that he believed the man was attempting a home invasion, and that he likely had robbed other houses earlier in the night. "He was carrying a large satchel filled with merchandise," a police spokesman quoted LaPierre as saying. Police also said LaPierre reported the man was using some sort of "street slang," constantly repeating the word "Ho!" as he tried to enter the chimney.
The NRA issued a statement expressing relief that LaPierre was unharmed, and praising him for his quick action in defending his home from the intruder. "This shows why it is vital that all Americans carry arms to protect themselves and their children," the statement said. "Clearly, we need good guys with guns to protect against bad guys with guns. Or in this case, a bad guy with lots of bells."
