Progressives are PISSED.
It was bad enough that President Barack "I'll Give You Everything You Want, But That's My Final Offer!" Obama already proposed five bucks in spending cuts for every one dollar in tax increases. But now he's actually offered up Social Security to the Republicans. At this rate, liberals fear, the White House will surrender the Voting Rights Act and the EPA in exchange for a 2-for-1 coupon at Denny's.
But let's face it: hip, urbane, civically minded 21st Century progressives just don't do angry, at least not as well as Tea Party folk do. If they did, the debate might turn out differently. But it's not in their DNA.
So we at GefilteBacon once again step into the breach. Here are 10 tips on how progressives - from Berkeley to Bethesda, from Brookline to . . . some other liberal enclave that starts with 'B' - can take this fight to the streets:
1. Get into hybrid and pull alongside SUV. Give disapproving look to driver. Move on to next SUV.
2. Collect a thousand sheets of paper. Make a thousand origami doves. Place them along busy thoroughfare to represent society's most vulnerable. Throw doves into a Hefty bag to represent the destruction of society's most vulnerable by Republicans. Remove doves from Hefty bags, unfold carefully and donate paper to a shelter for abused women.
3. Organize a rally. Prepare signs with actual quotes from Tea Party rallies, but use comical fonts as an ironic commentary on Tea Party values.
4. Find female mannequin. Dress it up in dark suit. Place picture of Michele Bachmann's face on head. Arrange mannequin in chair and patiently explain to it why Keynsian theory on the inefficiencies of microeconomic decisions by private players outweigh the rational expectation theories of Muth.
5. Write an episode of The West Wing in which President Bartlett goes toe to toe with incalcitrant Republicans and wins. Get into time machine, go back to 1999 and pitch script to Aaron Sorkin.
6. Street theater: Make and put on a Lorax costume. Assemble pile of rocks in front of local GOP headquarters and write "UNLESS" on them. Attempt to hoist yourself into the air by seat of your pants.
7. Hold a real tea party. Purchase a satchel of fair trade organic tea from local farmer's market. Prepare a zucchini nut bread from the original Moosewood recipe. Invite small number of friends to enjoy tea and bread while knitting panels for AIDS Quilt.
8. Go through personal archive of old New Yorkers. Find cartoon that adequately captures your feelings, ideally something by Roz Chast. Photograph with iPhone and email to friends.
9. Put on Thomas Jefferson costume. Go to town center and stand on soapbox. Unfurl copy of Declaration of Independence. Think about fact that Jefferson was a slave owner. Get off soapbox and walk home, reflecting on fallibility of man.
10. Start a blog. Give it a quirky name, perhaps the juxtaposition of two nouns that are vaguely contradictory. Compose blog entries with ironic, detached commentary about politics. Share with friends and assorted strangers who stumble onto it looking for serious content.
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